Thank goodness FEBRUARY is over

I am glad to see February 2006 gone! This month has probably been one of the hardest times in my life.

February 1st I found out that we were expecting, which was so exciting. This is about the only happy thing that happened the whole month!
February 8th my Mom moved back to VT because my Grandparents weren't doing well.
February 11th I spent the day in the Emergency room because of some bleeding, this is when I first found out something may be wrong with the pregnancy.
February 14th I spent Valentine's Day with my Hubby 7,000+ miles away from home in a unsafe place.
February 15th my beloved Grandfather Laurence Doty died.
February 17th we held funeral services for my grandfather which my Grandma couldn't attend because she was in the Hospital.
February 22 my Doctor tells me the baby stopped developing a couple of weeks ago
Febraury 23-27 I was in the Hospital again and had a procedure and have been recooping from the procedure.
February 28th TODAY would have been my Grandpa's 86th Birthday.

So that was my February! I am dealing as well as one could expect I guess. We have had lots of support from friends and family. I have relied heavily on Tino's Family and my friends because I have no family here. Everyone has been wonderful and I really appreciate that.

It's weird because I've never had to deal with anything like this before. Unless you have experienced a loss of a little person growing inside of you, you won't understand what it's like to completely and totally give all your heart, soul, hopes and dreams to something (someone) you can't even see yet!

So we are meandering through this the best we know how. All the "It was for the best" and other yadda yadda yadda is comprehendible but doesn't really make my heart feel better. I have decided to "Let go", I have no control over this and probably will never understand why so I am just letting it be.

I am recommitting myself to getting healthy and in shape, I have been told by my Doctor that my eggs are "getting old", so Being as healthy as I can before we try again is so important. I am setting my sights on training for a boxing competition so I will be training with a Boxing trainer and staying focused on fitness and working in my garden. I think I will be planting a special tree or perennial in honor of our little Spirit that wasn't ready for this World yet.

Thanks for listening to me ramble, I feel a little better even.

Love all of you
Michelle